Today

At Christmas time I didn't have much cash to work with so I had this great idea to print out 12 coupons for a year's worth of house cleaning services and give them to my mom. When I told Lawrence my idea he told me to add his name to the coupons and we'd do a really great job for her. (Cuz Lawrence is a PROFESSIONAL!) (Actually he's totally amazing. NO one can make a place shine like he can.)

Anyway.... as we worked I started feeling really bad. My mom is on oxygen 24/7. She can't do much that doesn't get her short of breath. I can't imagine for the life of me why it took so LONG to figure out that she might need help around the house. I am ashamed of myself!

I love my momma. All my life she was who I wanted to be when I grew up. She still inspires me to be a better mom. I wonder if this happens to everyone as they get older.... I know how it feels to miss my kid so suddenly it crosses my mind that I might need to spend more time with someone who misses me? Life is so full of ironies...... You never get to enjoy a clean house til it's empty. You don't figure out life til you're too old to live it. Your body (ok - MY body) will prob'ly never lose weight unless it gets sick and can't enjoy being skinny.

The biggest irony of all is that love lets go. I learned that one while someone did his best to control me. His tightening grip only made me more determined to get away.

I'm beginning to feel as tho I don't have anything figured out at all. The world as we know it is upside down at best. So maybe I live under poverty level but maybe that simplifies things. I have to buy a clunker car.... but a clunker tag will cost less and so will the insurance. I can't buy a house (yet) but when things go wrong I get to pass them off to my landlord. (Not that it helps....) I think that I have truly learned to count my blessings..... I almost.... sorta.... like living life on the edge. (FINANCIALLY.......... lol) I can't go in debt. Nobody will lend me any money. (ha!) I've learned what's important cuz I'm too poor to get distracted.

Today when we were finished cleaning my parents house they put in a Gaither video. My parents LOVE those. They know everybody. Who sings with whom, whose kids are with which band... who died this year and what part he used to sing. It was a really cool moment. They shared their favorite song with us. It was a great song too. I guess it's another irony. We don't appreciate our parents until our time with them gets short.

I know this post has rambled all over the universe. This is what happens when I try to figure out the universe. It's a Sagittarius thing. I'm gonna call and visit my momma more often. And maybe when I'm old all my kiddos will remember to call and visit ME.