Wow....

I haven't been here since March....

Kinda weird. Life started changing. Well..... it never stops. But I stopped coming here with my thoughts because I didn't wanna say things that might bother anybody. I broke up with my fiance.... but he's a cool enough person that I didn't want to come crowing here about other things and have him read and be hurt. I think the break - up was a good decision for both of us. Cuz deep down I know me and my kids would have eventually driven him nuts had we lived in the same house. We have always been chaotic at best. He has a new gf now and seems to be doing well, so maybe that was a gift I could give.... the chance to meet someone perfect for him. idk.

I have been dating a man who kinda "showed up" from my past. He was my very first boyfriend, back in 1985. He actually found me again in 2006. I did his daughter's 16th b'day cake. He asked me out then. But things were still good between me and my fiance so I had to turn him down. When he called back in '08 I assumed he wanted another cake. But I was wrong.

I had to do alot of soul searching. I was never one to switch from one man to another just on a whim. But I had to find out if a face to face conversation would hold the same comfort and compatiblity as the ones we had on the phone. He has a huge father's heart.... he totally understands the ways I spoil my kids and would most likely do the same if given a similar situation. (HAHA - not only does he spoil his kid - mine already know they only have to whisper they want something and he'll find a way to get it. THAT'S why I have a stash of skittles and starbursts on my coffee table and a 24 pack of Dr Pepper in the trunk of my car. Among other things...)

His work ethic inspires me - tho I cringe as I type that cuz for the past 6 weeks or so my weekends have been very lonely due to that thing.

I could write a ton about what I see in him. But this post is already getting long. What can you expect? I haven't been here since March! I only dropped in cuz I got an alert that someone left me a comment. :)

In other news: I'm moving in a week or 2. I live in the 'hood right now. And it's not getting better. Not long ago my house almost burned to the ground because of faulty wiring in the water heater. Melody had to call the fire dept cuz I wasn't home. When I got home all I could smell was burnt wiring. That was about the time I decided we've been here long enough. (Especially when the landlord's fix was another used thermostat instead of a new water heater.) Today I called him and he was not real happy that I was not giving him a 30 day notice. Maybe if this house was liveable I could stay here 30 more days. But the things I've seen him do and NOT do in the past 5 years.... I don't feel as tho I owe him anything.

We are moving to Arab, AL. 15 minutes in one direction to work. 15 minutes in the other to mom and my bf. Halfway Home is what I call it. Since reconnecting with my "old" bf, who still lives in my "old" home town... I now have direction. I know where I wanna be. I have felt "homeless" for a really long time.... I've been praying for a home for nearly 5 years. But I know that God knows this has not been just a prayer for a shelter. I've been asking for a home for my heart. I've noticed thru the years that the longer you have to wait for the answer to a prayer the better the answer is. One time I prayed for a home for a whole year. That prayer was answered in the form of a house on the lake - already paid for. This time I've been praying 5 YEARS...... I can only imagine what God has in store. A home for my heart and my hopes and my dreams. My future... Safety and security that I don't think I've ever had. Acceptance. Peace. Value. Fun.

I'm Halfway Home now tho..... I can feel it in my bones.