changes

before I start I gotta say that this is gonna be a girlie post, about a girlie issue. So if you don't wanna read about girlie issues... STOP now! please....

I haven't written much about the struggles I've been having lately, just cuz they are totally un-explainable. Well, I thought they were til I did a little research this weekend. For a while now I've been at the mercy of a thing I called my "hormonally sad days" it has a name tho - mood swings. I know that may make you groan and roll your eyes, especially if you read farther than you should have after the disclaimer. But being at the whim of my emotions has been driving me crazy lately. I used to be able to close myself off somewhere to protect my loved ones from this phenomona, but lately it's started affecting everything. For 2 weeks a month there is a horrible black cloud over my head and it sucks. I can't think a single happy thought and if one does happen to sneak thru I cry about that too... cuz I'm so "haaaappppyyyy." I used to save myself by telling me "it's just hormones, it's just hormones, it's just hormones." But even that isn't cutting it anymore. I was mean to my daughter and her friend the other day... i mean MEAN.... I spent the whole weekend close to tears. For no good reason. Cuz that's the thing. Mood swings are irrational. And most people I know can understand irritablity being irrational and way out of proportion occasionally but sadness is a little harder to explain. People freak out when they see other people cry. And they inevitably ask "What's wrong?" Which is why I hid the mood swings cuz i didn't know how to explain what was wrong. NOTHING.... everything... but people don't get that. Especially people who love me. they wanna help. They wanna fix it... but there's no fixing something you can't even explain.

Til NOW!! I read up on hormonal imbalance and yes, when I did the online survey it said my condition was "severe." They could be saying that to sell their product, but it sure feels severe when you spend so much time wiping tears off your face.

Don't get me wrong. My life is great!! I have awesome kids who love me and are growing into adults I am proud of. I'm not doing great financially but we have a roof over our heads and food in the cabinets. Most of the time :) I have the most wonderful boyfriend who gave me a promise ring for Valentine's Day... I am in awe at the depth of this relationship and the solidity I feel with this man. My parents are still alive and well... things are looking up. Except for being at the mercy of these hormones....

to make a long story short I can change things with diet and exercise and vitamin suppliments. I can eat more fruits and veggies and less sugar and carbs and walk everyday and rest and do little things to take off some stress. This sounds so fundamental but wow.... I'd do just about anything to get back in balance. I don't want my people to think I'm going crazy. I don't want to FEEL crazy anymore.

I don't really know why I felt the need to share this here, except that I feel alot better about life now. Knowing there's a root to this problem... finding ways to possibly fix it. It's rather liberating.

Hopefully I can continue with the little starts I made this weekend. Healthy food choices and walking more. Pampering myself every now and then :) Admitting I have a problem! lol...

I'll hafta let ya know how it goes :)