Jon

I wish I had a bunch of stuff to type here, but I don't. I miss Jon, like I have since he was 11. He's 15 now.... and not having him in my everyday life still sucks more than I let anybody know. Thinking about it brings instant tears... I hope he's happy, but I don't know for sure. I hate that I have to be his mom from a distance because that is an oxymoron to me. Ask Mel and Dave.

I know he's home schooling now but wants to go back to high school. I hate that he's not with his buds anymore, cuz they mean alot to him. But I just left a rant about the school system... lol. I think home schooling is school with all the fun stripped away.

He's supposed to be getting a motorcycle soon, which scares me. In AL you can legally drive one at 15... seems kinda backward to me. But hey - I did say ALABAMA, didn't I??

Jon used to tell me he'd come live with me one day.... once I moved off OBrig... Once I get internet at my new house. I used to get excited about that til I realized he says it when he's pissed at his dad. Now I accept the fact that for some reason he stays there, tho he tells me he hates it. I have to be content in knowing that I'm there for him if it ever happens that he really wants to come home.

No one can know how huge a hole I have in my life without my baby. Maybe I should force the issue and make him visit me, but what kind of fun would that be? I want people to be with me cuz they WANT to. Not cuz they're forced to.

I try my best to be upbeat around him. I let him go when everything I have wants to beg him to stay. But what kind of guilt is that to put on a kid? I just hope one day he doesn't come tell me that he wanted me to be more involved but I wasn't. That I made the wrong choice and things would have been different if I woulda made him come over. That I failed at my job as his mother.....

I do know he's an awesome kid. He's hysterical... Makes me laugh like no one else can. I know he loves me. No matter where he lives.

And now that I've depressed us all... if you have any kids at home go give them a hug for me and count your blessings that you never had one snatched away.