One thing...

I don't really like to make multiple posts in one day, for whatever silly reason, seems like the things i have to say are not that interesting and I'm mostly here for me. but anyway... this whole dating thing has been teaching me alot about myself. About the respect (or lack of) I show myself. About my need for better boundaries and just exactly WHAT that lack of boundaries means. Lately I've been filling up my off days like dance cards. If I don't see a guy friend or hear from one of them I feel a little lost. And I don't like it.

This week Bama was in the national championship and I really wanted to go see that game somewhere. I thought about trying to pimp myself out on a date, just to get to a big screen TV. (ROLL F-IN TIDE!) But the thing that happened was WAY better than anything I could have dreamed up for myself: BELLA came over!! We  had our very first slumber party and it was AMAZING! I didn't get to see a minute of that game. And now it really doesn't matter. I got a lesson in what's important. In WHO is important. And I'm still smiling.

I have a wonderful life. I'd ditch every "man friend" I know, knew, or have-yet-to-meet, to spend time with that one little girl. I wonder (again) why I think I need a man in my life to mess things up. I'm slowly creating a place for myself in this world. All BY myself - and I like it here. It's taken 2 years but I'm beginning to think that soon I'm gonna bloom where I've been planted. That all the backstage work and planning is about to pay off. So why do I worry about dates, new men or dating websites?

I have discovered that my need to give my love to someone is way greater than my need to actually be loved in return. I want someone to love, in the verbal sense of the word. And not just sexually. I've been thinking about this alot. Maybe it's the situation alot of people are in. We wanna love somebody. If we get loved back that's cool... but the thing that I miss the most... the biggest hole that I feel - is that desire to give to someone. I probly shouldn't post thoughts like these on dating websites... Guys know what to take advantage of. Mostly right now I'm just pondering the idea. Wondering what it could mean.