a gift

Speaking of changes... this weekend my bf finally came out and told me that I could move in with him when I start working in Huntsville. I was hoping for that :) Didn't even bother applying for jobs in my town, lol. Not just because I don't wanna be here anymore, or I have been WAITING impatiently for this moment. But because the economy has not been hit hard there, like in the smaller towns around it. The future is there... I can feel it. There was a time when I hated going to H'ville. Especially if I had to drive. But now it kinda feels like home. Maybe I'm just tired of small town life.

The past 2 weeks have been hard... emotional... stressful!! But now that I know I have a place to land, and it's the place I really want to be, everything is better. Now I know what I hoped for all along, I finally have a safe place in my life. A person who's there for ME. To protect me, be a companion, be silly with. Full-time. I can't explain what a gift it is. To have a helper. Someone who's WITH me. For me. Words aren't getting it... I should quit trying. I'm even holding back now cuz I have this fear in my head that he's gonna change his mind. Call me up and say "maybe we should think about this a little longer." But he said he's been thinking about it for a long time... So maybe everything is happening just like it's supposed to. Maybe after a really, really long time God has heard my prayers and lead me to a place where I can rest. Where every decision is not on only MY head. Or every bill or crisis. That makes it sound like God made me wait on purpose, and maybe He did. Not to hurt me, but cuz I had alot to learn and I'm glad to know these things BEFORE my relationship goes to the next level. This has been a heck of a year. I had to rethink alot of my habits and assumptions. Empty out the baggage... I had (have) alot of learned reactions that no longer fit this scenario. Cuz I'm not with a man who plays head games. I no longer need to measure up. I'm with someone who wants me and loves being around me and doesn't care if I DO things. We leave the dishes in the sink TOGETHER. Or wash them together... if we WANT to...

A few months ago I wrote a post about being half-way home... well it looks like in a few weeks I can finally relax. I'll BE there. HOME. It'll be a transition for both of us and I'm gonna have to continue moving patiently (my worst thing) but it'll be worth it.