Don't Panic!!

I haven't posted in a while... so here goes...

Turns out, David and Crystal didn't get married Aug. 15th. My kid was not ready, felt pressured, and backed out. Totally. To me, it was a great relief. Don't know if thats cuz marriage is not my favorite institution or if I had a case of mother's intuition... all I know is that the closer it got to that date, the more anxious I became. I even had my first panic attack. That could be the result of everything going on in my life I s'pose. But the peace I've felt since they called off the wedding makes me wonder.

There's a thing about panic attacks that i didn't know. You can't let them win. I'm not an expert but they remind me of that Scarecrow character in the batman stories. He uses your fears against you. I knew someone whose attacks always centered around health issues, cuz that's where his fears were... Mine manifested at the bank I clean after hours 3 nites a week. It's always been creepy. Expecially upstairs, after dark. The nite in question i was sure I'd look up to see a mexican coming down the stairs to do me in. I heard bumps and rattles and all kinds of crap. I couldn't vacuum cuz for some irrational reason I thought that if he was gonna get me I'd need to hear it coming and I couldn't do that with the vacuum on.

But a wise person who has delt with this before told me that I couldn't run from it, it would only get bigger. I had to face it down, which I'm still working on. Seems as tho they are not a 1 time thing. Cuz the bank still creaks and feels creepy at nite. But there is a motion detector that gives me some comfort, and I don't clean after dark anymore. Plus the wedding is off so.... (lol)

I still sometimes think there might be a family of mexicans living on the bank's 2nd floor, and maybe they hide when I get there, or maybe they'll come down and try to get me one nite. Thankfully I can talk myself out of this crazy little scenario most of the time. For now I'm gonna quit watching "Ghost Hunters" and "Most Haunted." I think I'll be ok. It's actually nice to have a name for it... having a panic attack seems a whole lot less disturbing than going insane.