It's Monday

And I should be getting ready for work.... but I feel bad about losing momentum on my blogging. Some people are SO faithful. I, on the other hand, seem to get easily distracted. It's prob'ly because life is mostly boring and I don't wanna put anyone to sleep. On the other hand.... this IS my blog... so I guess I can produce snoozer posts if I want.

Lawrence and I looked at some mobile homes this weekend. They really are nice inside nowadays. My tax refund is looming.... so I want to at least make some progress toward getting out of the hood with it. One way or another. A house.... a mobile home... some land..... Things bog down for me when there are too many choices. But I can tell you this... walking thru 10 or 11 mobile homes over the weekend was pretty exciting. Instant, lovely home. And the cost for some of the more awesome floor plans is the same as what people want for their crappiest stick-built houses.

We're still inthe decision-making process.... but one of these days we're going to have a home of our own! YAY!!

Almost Famous.....

My little article in the 'Gleam!! Click on the image to open it up bigger in another window......

Acceptance and patience....

I have to begin by saying that usually, when I am heading down the wrong path, God sends someone along to straighten me up. Not by breaking my leg or bringing famine and plague down upon me. He just points out the flaws in my thinking and gives me opportunity to redirect my paths. My most recent lesson was on the subject of PRIDE. For a really long time I was thoroughly convinced that I didn't deserve any of the horrible things that have happened to me over the past 4 years. I was mad at the world because I believed that I should have a better life than what I have. Cuz I am a GOOD person. I try my best to be a doer of the Word and please God. I put time, effort and energy into serving HIM. I had even let people use me in the name of Jesus.... and I had alot of resentment building as things have not gotten a whole lot better since the Exodus in 2003. Welllllll..... I'm sure that you can see exactly why this is prideful thinking. I had to have it explained to me. But when it was pointed out I realized that *I* am no better than anybody else and in fact JESUS suffered WAY more than I ever will and He is the ultimate GOOD PERSON. He did everything His Father told Him to do and yet His supposed "followers" crucified Him. In reality my life is NOT that bad and I have a ton of things to be thankful for.

AMEN!

Well, lately it has come to my attention that perhaps my next lesson is to be Acceptance and Patience. A lady was hired to work with me who is not as intelligent as most of us. I would say there is some mental retardation there. And I'm not trying to be facetious. That kinda goes against my generally perfectionist nature. OK - OBSESSIVELY perfectionist. I have always held to the old mantra "If you are going to do something - do it RIGHT." (And yes I mean MY definition of right.)

It's been interesting, to say the least, observing how things that aren't even the least bit important to me put her in a tizzy. Little things done right without being told are reasons for celebration. And my "pet" stuff..... all MY little ducks that *I* like to keep in a row.... mean absolutley nothing. Needless to say I have been less than patient. And not even remotely accepting.

But tonight I had to go to the grocery store for dog food. I saw this scraggly looking guy walking back and forth.... up and down the meat aisle at Piggly Wiggly. He had a patchy beard, a headband... a leather vest and a 'do that hadn't seen a hairbrush in a while. I ignored him. More than once. I even wrapped the straps of my purse around my hand an extra time when he walked by.... just in case. Then he came up to me and said "Excuse me Ma'am." I turned to see what he wanted and he gave me this interesting little smile and said "Jesus loves you." I told him thanks and that Jesus loved him too and he went on his way. I mean he disappeared. The Pig is a rather small store and this man stuck out like a sore thumb.... but as I cruised down the pet food aisle he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he just left. Maybe he ducked into the bathroom.... all I know is that as I pushed my cart thru to the checkout the dude was GONE. But the way he smiled at me.... with this quirky, eye-twinkling, moustache-twitching grin - it was like he knew what I thought about him and other people like him. The ones who don't fit in my perfect mold. The ones that are "in my way" or may draw attention to themselves by being different. The ones who aren't perfect. (like me??? LOL) I think he was put in my way to remind me to lighten up. To accept people and be patient with those who might have handicaps....

I feel kinda embarrased for myself.

So I'll work on it..... Acceptance.

And Patience.

Annihilators!!!

I found this on his unit's website..... no wonder he wanted to go!!

Some Links

If anybody wants to see what David will be up to for the next 18 weeks or so.....
His unit's web page is http://www.geocities.com/alpha796mp

The Fort Leonard Wood web address is: www.wood.army.mil

The Cake!

This is a pic of the award-winning Spongebob Squarepants cake! :) I know Patrick is a little skinny and Plankton is prob'ly a bit large in comparison to the other characters but.... Nickelodeon and Deco-Pac liked it enough to pick it as winner of the top prize. Out of 200 entries :)

Just had to show off a little.........

Who? ME!

Sometimes I have this little problem.... when it comes time to stand up and say things the hinge on my jaw refuses to open. Fortunately (for me) my fingers don't seem to have that problem. So I'm going to type some things I really need to say: a little synopsis of who I am and who I'm not... what I can do and what I will not do anymore.

I am a Christian. I believe God sent His son Jesus who hung on a cross to be the sacrifice that enabled me to receive entrance into the kingdom of God. Agree or disagree with me, it's ok. The Holy Spirit is the Best Friend I have no matter what anybody may think or say about me. I'm not here to fight about my faith. It's just a part of who I am.

I am a Mom. I believe that the 3 kids that came into this world thru me are my biggest responsibility and my absolute greatest joy. YES I will serve them. Yes I WILL get up in the middle of the nite and run to them if they call. I will protect them. I will defend them. I will get them a coke even if they DO have two legs and can easily get up and walk to the refrigerator. Because I am also a daughter. I can look back and see that the time I spent in my mother's house is less now than the time I've spent out of it. I am looking in the face of the last few years I'm going to enjoy having my kids under my roof. I am going to make the most of it. I am also looking forward to becoming a grandmother. I have every intention of being surrounded by my grandchildren for as long as God allows. I will spoil them. I will help them get out of trouble with their parents. I will hold them instead of letting them play on the floor and I will let them sleep beside me if they want to. Like I did for my own. This is another part of me that I'm not here to fight about. THIS IS WHO I AM. And I'm not apologizing for it anymore. I began looking forward to being a mom when I was just a little girl. As a teenager I very seriously planned on finding a sperm donor and living as a single parent if other arrangements would not have come about. (IE: marriage and a husband.) If ever my financial circumstances allow it I would love to become a foster or adoptive parent to help provide a loving, stable environment for a child who doesn't have one.

I would give my last drop of blood for my kids. If they needed my last breath they could have it. If I had to fight with only my bare hands I would shred anyone who tried to hurt them. Because I'm their mom.

I am: Independent. I don't need anything, or anybody outside the aforementioned children God brought into this world thru me. And I need God. HE is my provider. If I need a friend He'll bring me one. When I had nothing He was there. I know if I am ever at that point again, in Him I will not be disappointed. He has provided for me beyond my wildest dreams. Maybe He even used some of you to help when I was in need. :) (And I know He still DOES!!)

I am: Creative. Gullible. Emotional. Smart. Learning. Compassionate. Self-sufficient. Nurturing. Affectionate. At peace.

I am NOT: a Doormat. Stupid. Argumentive. Mean. Looking out for number one. Here for everyone else's convenience. (Unless your name is David, Melody or Jon.)

I can: Draw, write, sing. Decorate cakes and prepare gourmet foods for formal events. Make people laugh. Remember the words to songs I haven't heard in 30 years. Balance a checkbook and stay in budget. Pay my bills on time. Get myself out of debt. Make intelligent decisions. Make sure my children know they are loved and supported even thru the worst of times. Love and support the rest of my family.

I cannot: Be someone I'm not. Shut off my emotions or my need to serve and provide for my kids. Always say the words that are raging in my head. Continue to allow people to push past my boundaries. Not help someone or something that is in need if I have the means to help them.

I lived for 17 years with a person who has a borderline personality disorder. I enabled and codepended. I almost disappeared. I won't put myself in that position ever again. I won't be abused. I will see straight. (eventually) And I will listen to the people who love me who can see things clearer than I can. Even if at first it makes me mad.

This is who I am....... God made me this way and has given me the strength and wisdom to continue to grow, learn and change. I have to be who He made me. I will embrace the fact that I'm Wonderfully Made.

No more hiding. No more apologies.