Employment update :)

Just to keep up my continuity - I will be starting to work at Peggy Ann bakery on 5/26 at 6am. (yeah - you read that right, lol) I went to both interviews last wed. and both went really well. The owner of the bakery hadn't even looked at the portfolio of my cake pics. Which was a little anticlimactic, but I still got the job. The only down-side is that there may be times when I only work 25 hours a week. Which isn't gonna work for me....

BUT - I also tentatively got the job at petsmart too... the manager told me to call back when I knew what to expect as far as my schedule at the bakery. He said I could be as part time as I want. But I'm thinking the hours will not work out as far as me seeing my people during their waking hours. So I'm not sure how that will go or what exactly I'm gonna do about it. I have this bank job I do 8 hours a week already... Don't know if I'll keep it or drop it but I figure it'll all work out. (Cuz nobody needs 3 jobs, lol)

I'm giving my landlord 30 days notice prob'ly tomorrow. Keith and I walked thru my house today trying to decide what would be integrated into "our house" and what would go into storage. (progress!) The biggest problem is how to incorporate all our critters. I have 3 dogs and so does he... nobody needs 6 dogs either.

I think things are about to get really busy :) But in a very good way.

(6am tho - that's gonna take some getting used to!)

Here

Somebody told me a secret today. Something they'd been holding back, afraid to mention cuz they thought I wouldn't understand, would blow up, and maybe even take away my friendship. It was something I already knew but had never mentioned because I made certain decisions back when I was given the info...

I thought I knew. But I didn't. I can't understand the depth of what this person is experiencing. I had some facts but that's about all. But even as I type I know this isn't true. I know more than I ever thought I did, and for a minute I guess I wanna thank the cosmos for the things I've gone thru that have led me to a place where I can be compassionate instead of judgemental.

There are places I never wanted to go. Family court, juvenile probation, court referral, etc. There are things I never wanted to experience. Having my baby snatched away from me when he was 11. Losing all my "Christian" "friends" to a liar and abuser. Having a whole town turn their back on me without ever even asking if I was ok. Or if what they were hearing about me was true. (cuz it wasn't) I've lost dreams I can't get back, I've been in the hot seat. I know how it feels to be falsely accused and I've experienced the helplessness of injustice. And so as not to beat a dead horse I'll just say that today I know - even if this wasn't by divine design - I'm glad to have gone thru all those heart wrenching, horrible things because today I was able to connect with someone in a way that would never have been possible if my life had been a bowl of cherries.

I can remember thinking - back in the midst of the worst times of my life - "there better be a reason for this."

Now I can see that there was.....

"And I wouldn't change a thing
I'd walk right back thru the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breaking

And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I cried with every stumbled step that led to you
And brought me here."

a gift

Speaking of changes... this weekend my bf finally came out and told me that I could move in with him when I start working in Huntsville. I was hoping for that :) Didn't even bother applying for jobs in my town, lol. Not just because I don't wanna be here anymore, or I have been WAITING impatiently for this moment. But because the economy has not been hit hard there, like in the smaller towns around it. The future is there... I can feel it. There was a time when I hated going to H'ville. Especially if I had to drive. But now it kinda feels like home. Maybe I'm just tired of small town life.

The past 2 weeks have been hard... emotional... stressful!! But now that I know I have a place to land, and it's the place I really want to be, everything is better. Now I know what I hoped for all along, I finally have a safe place in my life. A person who's there for ME. To protect me, be a companion, be silly with. Full-time. I can't explain what a gift it is. To have a helper. Someone who's WITH me. For me. Words aren't getting it... I should quit trying. I'm even holding back now cuz I have this fear in my head that he's gonna change his mind. Call me up and say "maybe we should think about this a little longer." But he said he's been thinking about it for a long time... So maybe everything is happening just like it's supposed to. Maybe after a really, really long time God has heard my prayers and lead me to a place where I can rest. Where every decision is not on only MY head. Or every bill or crisis. That makes it sound like God made me wait on purpose, and maybe He did. Not to hurt me, but cuz I had alot to learn and I'm glad to know these things BEFORE my relationship goes to the next level. This has been a heck of a year. I had to rethink alot of my habits and assumptions. Empty out the baggage... I had (have) alot of learned reactions that no longer fit this scenario. Cuz I'm not with a man who plays head games. I no longer need to measure up. I'm with someone who wants me and loves being around me and doesn't care if I DO things. We leave the dishes in the sink TOGETHER. Or wash them together... if we WANT to...

A few months ago I wrote a post about being half-way home... well it looks like in a few weeks I can finally relax. I'll BE there. HOME. It'll be a transition for both of us and I'm gonna have to continue moving patiently (my worst thing) but it'll be worth it.

changes

I'm kinda torn about what to write in this post. I've been job hunting for the past few weeks and have things narrowed down to 2. One is a bakery job while the other is a place where I could use experience from another part of my life - a pet shop. I have had a ton of critters, from bearded dragons and iguanas to skunks... snakes, mice, etc. Even as I type this it's kinda sad cuz the other job is a bakery position at the place I started out back in the 80s. I have this feeling in my heart that I'll end up there, but it woulda been nice to get away from cakes for a while. It makes me wonder why I tear up even writing this. It's crazy. The bakery will pay more, I already know how to do it. Whatever. Cleaning cages prob'ly wouldn't have been fun for long anyway. And I'm sure they want you to work quick and do things according to a fast-paced retail market. But I wouldn't have minded.... ya know? It felt like in a way it mighta been peaceful.

Either way, I have a 1st interview with the bakery tomorrow, and a 2nd with Petsmart an hour later. This blog is happening a little too late to explain how hard it's been, and how driven I've felt, having to get back out and hunt for jobs. I've always been one of those people who had jobs come to THEM.... But this time, the ecomony been such as it is, and unemploymet around here... I felt it best to get right on it. So I filled out apps online, made up a resume, wrote the cover letter... even talked to people about ME. That was hard. People kept telling me to call back about my resumes but I've never been one for self-promotion. It was quite an emotional rollercoaster. And I'm not off it yet! I got one "over-qualified" at a casual dining place, but the only reason I applied there was because they said they catered... turns out we have different ideas about that. They don't do pecan-crusted chicken or toast points or spinach dip with artichoke hearts at Baumhower's Wings.

It's sad to be leaving this place too... but I was remembering all the prayers I prayed to get out of here this morning in the shower. How did I think that prayer was gonna be answered? Really....

Things here are so different from when I started. I've seen things I never thought I'd see. Tables have flipped in wierd ways. It's past time to lay this place to rest and move on. I know that. But I'll miss all the people I did cakes for. The ones that kept coming back. It's like coming to the end of a book you really liked....

But the next phase is coming on pretty quick. I think I'll save that for another post.

sad daze

Last friday I got the news I knew was coming... Cake Crumbs, the bakery where I've worked for 11 years now, is closin its doors as of May 29th. I have 5 weeks to find another job. Like I said, I knew this was coming but still... this means my whole life is about to change again. Prob'ly for the better, but change is still change and I have never liked it. There are kids in this town that I've had the pleasure of making b'day cakes for their entire lives... I'm gonna miss that. I wonder how many times I've written "Happy Birthday" over the years. Prob'ly a million.

So now I'm at a cross roads. I haven't had a direct invitation to move but I'm looking for jobs in Huntsville. They have't been hit as hard econoically, plus they are growing due to some BRAC thing that I don't have time to explain... people from the military moving there I think... thousands of people.

I'd really like to open my own place someday. But I'm thinking now is not the time to start up a small business. I am gonna buy all my boss's cake pans if she'll sell em to me. And the copy cake machine. I'm just storing stuff back for when the time is right. If I can't find a job the time might be right now...

5 weeks.... and I have no idea which direction I wanna go.... I think I'm gonna see if Petco has online applications.

Easter prayer - 4/12/2009

Oh Lord I need
A Ressurection Day
Let me outa this cave Lord
Roll the stone away
Pick a flower off my grave
And tuck it in my hair
Oh Lord I need
A Ressurection Day

Oh Lord I need
A Ressurection Day
Let Your Water and Your Wine
Come wash off this decay
Pull off these filthy grave clothes
Give me somethin new to wear
Oh Lord I need
A Ressurection Day

Lord I might die
Without a
Ressurection Day

~LG~

good daze :)

since I always come here to moan and groan, I think I need to stop by and tell the world I'm having a wonderful day... I don't know what's going on in the cosmos, but maybe it's an apology for yesterday.

The good stuff started happening yesterday actually. I had agreed to sub cleaning a plant in a town 45 minutes from here. no big deal but the kicker was that the shift was 2-6am. I said ok cuz it was a one-time thing and I need the money. But it weighed so heavy on my mind. It was supposed to come down Thursday nite/Friday morning. Fridays are consistently the toughest in the bakery biz, so I was really worried. Then my cleaning boss asked me to go a day early to follow behind the girl I would sub for, so I would see the routine. That meant 2 nites of getting up at 1am... then a killer shift at my day job.

But yesterday it got canceled!!! yay! I don't have to do it anymore and I can keep MY cleaning schedule the same as always. Great thing number 1.

Great thing number 2 came when my bf said he missed me and asked me to come over to his house last nite. I'd already been there fri-mon. but hey, what's one more trip north if it's to keep good company, right? I got there and supper was cooked, American Idol was on the tube, everything was perfect. Especially the snuggle-time later :) Waking up there was very sweet. Having someone to talk to, eat eggos with... it was good. Very good. Im still glowing.

Then I got to work and had it on my own. I can't really describe how nice and peaceful that was, but trust me... it was. Then David texted me and said he paid my cell phone bill, the other thing weighing heavy on my mind. I couldn't really find a way to squeak out that money, no matter how long or hard I studied it. Mind you, the last time he paid it I got a message a week later that something went wrong with the payment and it came back to me anyway.... but his heart is in the right place and he did buy us some time. I just hope he didn't compromise his checking account to do it.

Then he came to the bakery and hung out awhile. I haven't seen him in a few weeks so that was great. Then Mellie came in about 5 minutes after Dave left.

The sun is shining and it's almost 60 outside. I'm on my own at work again so all is peaceful.

I am a little nervous cuz this many great things hasn't happened to me all in one day in years, probly.... I'm wondering what the payoff's gonna be. Sad to say, but it's true. I keep waiting for the hammer to fall....

For now I'm going with the fabulous day I've been given so far. I've been smiling all day :D Gives me hope. Could it be that the sun is shining on LIFE? maybe it's more than just a weather pattern.

I'll let ya know :)